An Inside Job

For the last couple of weeks there has been many things happening. Some good . . . some I could do without. But . . . GOD is in all of them so I will just go with it! HE seems to be giving me a lot to think about while at times doing a work within me . . . changing me from the inside out. Sometimes I haven't really understood what HE has been doing so I just simply asked HIM. HE has shown me scriptures and given me some answers. HE is an awesome GOD!!! At church on August 8th HE did some incredible things for me...and later told me what it was all about.

I have mentioned in other posts how I believed at a young age, around 9, that GOD told satan he could have me. That HE . . . GOD . . .  didn't want me. Obviously GOD didn't do that but I believed satans lie. Even since giving my heart to JESUS it sometimes has been hard to shake that . . . to not believe at times that I really was free from satan. This is how it began . . .

It all started one night when I woke up and felt a warm hand on my chest. At nine . . . that's a scary thing. (I'm not going to go into the whole event but you can go back to 12/6/2008 in my posts and read it if you care too.) From then on I always knew that satan was powerful. I experienced, and saw, many things that happened because of him. So because of all this . . . I was a believer of his lies for years. Fast forward to 8/8/2012 . . .

At the revival service at church I went up front for a specific reason. You know . . . sometimes the LORD has other plans. As it says in Isaiah 55: 8-9

⁸ “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
    “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
⁹ For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so my ways are higher than your ways
    and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

So . . . I had my reasons for going up front that night but HE had HIS plans for me that night. I am learning that HIS plans are much better than mine!

There were some ladies praying with me and one of them put there hand . . . just the ends of her fingers . . . really lightly at the top of my stomach. When she did this I felt heat in that spot and it started spreading out through my whole being. It was really hot but it didn't burn or hurt. It felt good and I really just wanted to feel it more. It's hard to explain it but I just wanted to feel more of it! It was as if I was suspended there somehow. I could feel myself wanting to just sort of melt into it . . . and I felt a tremendous pressure like feeling. Really at some points I felt as if I was going to explode and I could feel this sort of groan rising up within me put it never came out. This happened three times, I think, and two of the times I ended up on the floor. As soon as I would hit the floor the fire inside of me would stop and I would be on my knees face down on the floor. Then what would happen next I can't really explain. It was kind of like I was sobbing . . . but not. I think it was just my bodies reaction to what was happening. I don't know. That night at home I begin asking the LORD what all of that was. I knew it was the HOLY SPIRIT working inside of me but what was HE doing? A few days later HE answered me . . .

HE told me that I went up front for one thing but that there was something else I needed. HE said to me . . . "Do you remember the hand?"  "Yes, I remember the hand." HE told me that I had always believed that "that hand" was very powerful. GOD wanted me to know that HIS hand is so much more powerful! The hand I felt at church was the Hand of the LORD. The heat was purifying . . . cleansing . . . setting me free . . . from the hand of my past! I have been telling the LORD that I want more of HIM and less of me. I want to feel HIM more . . . to know beyond any doubt that HE is with me. That night at church was HIS way of letting me know and freeing me once and for all from my past! There is no more "hand on my chest" controlling me. But, the Hand Of GOD is on my life . . . and HE is living in me! HE is the fire within me now! HE is THE all powerful and consuming in my life . . . as long as I want HIM to be!! 

Not only was the HOLY SPIRIT freeing me from my past but I believe HE was giving me healing as well. When you are so bound up on the inside sometimes it takes the HAND of GOD . . .literally . . . to free you and make you whole! As I have said before . . .

HE is changing me from the inside out. HE is recreating me to be the person that HE wants me to be. A better person. Free to be what HE wants me to be and do what HE wants me to do.

Praying that this somehow makes sense when you read it. I have known for days that I was going to write it but the words wouldn't come. It wasn't GODS time for me to write it until today!

Still learning . . .