Friday, January 30, 2009


Have you ever been sitting, doing nothing, when all of a sudden you have a thought and immediately know that it was God talking? It's happened to me on more than one occasion. What's really funny about that is, I never believed God would ever talk to me. Since I have been a Christian He's talked to me a few times. He's talked to me about getting rid of things that were holding me back, about writing this blog, about quitting some bad habits and a few other things. Sometimes He uses other Christians sometimes the Word and sometimes He puts thoughts in my head. When I'm writing I rely on the thoughts He gives me. When I try to do it without Him it just doesn't work. It's an amazing experience whenever He chooses to tell me things. This last time though came as a surprise. I was sitting in church and all of a sudden two words popped into my thoughts. They kind of jarred me a little because it was two words I never expected to hear. The two words were "Street Ministry". I sat up a little straighter and thought, "What did you say?", and those two words were immediately there again. My next thoughts were, "What does that mean?" and of course, that was the end of the conversation. For that moment in time. Over the course of the next three days I heard those words a lot. I would go to sleep and wake up the next day thinking, "Street Ministry". I would be working and all of a sudden I would think, "Street Ministry". It really didn't matter whether I was eating, reading, sleeping, driving or working those words just kept coming into my thoughts throughout my day and night. Tuesday morning I was driving to work and talking to God. I was talking to Him about something totally different, I said, "Lord if there's something I should be doing differently let me know". Of course what I immediately heard in response was "Street Ministry". One response I had to this was, "But, I already am writing this blog like You told me too". His response was, "You can write about what happens with this in your blog". I just thought "WoW". The crazy part about this is that I don't have a clue where He is going with this. Street Ministry could mean a lot of different things.

My next question is...Okay, what do I do now? God hasn't told me anything else...Yet. I have heard that you pray about it and read the word. When He is ready for you to know something else He will tell you. When something like this happens you just have to trust that He has a plan. You also have to trust that whatever His plan is that it's the right one for you. The way you find out the rest of the plan could come through a person. Someone may start talking to you about a ministry that has something to do with what God has spoken to you. Until then you just have to pray and wait and keep doing what you are doing now.

I've written all of this because there could be someone reading this that God is speaking to about doing something. You need to stay open to what God has for you. He won't ever ask you to do something that you can't do. God will always be there to help you. Look at David when he killed Goliath. Who would have ever thought that would happen? But...God was with him. And God will be with us to. We just have to ask Him and He's right there. When you are doing what God wants you to do, even when it's hard, there is nothing else like it. You have peace and you have joy.

Remember that whatever you do always do it for the Glory of God. If you do you have no reason to be afraid. God will always be with you. Don't get discouraged if He doesn't let you have all the details for awhile. It could be that you have to get used to the idea first. Or, maybe everything isn't in place yet for what He wants you to do.For me personally I think He's letting me get used to the idea. Walking with God is an adventure.

Philippians 4:13 (New Living Translation)

13 For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength.

Colossians 3:17 (New Living Translation)

17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

2 Timothy 1:7 (King James Version)

7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Desperate: Having a great need or desire for.

Have you ever really wanted something so much you could hardly wait for it? Could have been when you were a teenager you just couldn't wait until you turned 18. You thought once you turned 18 you'd be an adult. Finally you would be your own boss, could do what you wanted. No more having to do what your parents said. You wanted freedom so badly you were almost desperate for that day to come. A lot of us were like that. Absolutely desperate for our freedom! I was like that. But...that kind of freedom isn't all it's cracked up to be. If you've read other posts on my blog you know I took full advantage of any freedom I found. The problem was no matter what I did I still always had that desperate feeling. I always had a desire for something else. I was constantly searching for whatever it took to fulfill that desperation. Well...I've finally found what I needed to do that.


Most of us go through life basically just living from day to day. We go to school, go to work, stay home and work...whatever the case may be it's generally the same routine all the time. The thing is, we can change that. We don't have to be stuck in the same routine day in and day out. All you need to do is start communicating with God and your life can go from average to an adventure in an instant. The first thing you have to do is have a relationship with God. If you haven't accepted Jesus into your heart you have to do that. Then, you have to start talking to Him, all the time. I just kind of have conversations with Him. I don't do the eloquent prayer thing. It's good if you can but my mind doesn't seem to work that way. Read the word all the time too. That's how you learn about Him and the things He does. If you do these things He will communicate with you. Sometimes, He will show you things in the scriptures. Things that pertain to what is relevant to your life at that time. Other times He will speak to you through your thoughts. He will put thoughts or words into your mind to tell you something. At times He will use people to tell you something you need to know. I'm sure there are other ways to. These are just the ways He has talked to me. The hard part is listening to what He is telling you and then acting upon it. Sometimes He will just give you pieces of something, like a preview, of things to come. Then you just have to pray about it, and prepare your heart for it, so when it happens you are ready to do what He asks. That takes us back to being desperate. If you are not desperate for God, the things of God, and what He has for you, you will miss out on the life He has planned for you.You need to desire, above all else, His plan for your life.

He is the only thing that I still have that desperate feeling for. I have found out that without Him I am nothing, basically lost. I'm desperate for God and the things of God. It's okay to be desperate for those reasons. We all have a great need for Him and what He has for us. If we don't, we need to find out why not. But if you do and you start praying in that way, desperately, for Him to show you what He wants from you, look out because He will. Just make sure that you're ready. You never know what He might ask you to do. Most of the time it's not something that you think you can do. But...if you go ahead and do it anyway, God will help you and it will turn out to be a good thing.

Be desperate for Him. Don't be afraid to do what He asks of you. He will help you to do His work, for His kingdom, if you continue to look to Him.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Isaiah 55:8 My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts, says the Lord. And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.

Isaiah 41:10 Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Psalms 121:1&2 I look up to the mountains-does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made Heaven and earth!

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Friday, January 23, 2009


Have you ever went to get dressed and couldn't find anything to wear that looked good? Then you went and looked in the mirror and thought it must be some body else looking back at you? You thought the person you were seeing was looking pretty beat up and pounds different than what you remembered. We've probably all been there. We don't like what we see and wish we could just snap our fingers and look like we used to. What we think our body needs is a makeover! Well....What about in our spiritual lives? We could probably all use a makeover at times in that area also. And if we really want one...all we have to do is ask.

Just imagine your driving down the road one day and all of a sudden you spot a sign on the side of the road that says; MAKEOVERS: BY JESUS CHRIST Turn right at the next light. Would you do it? Would you have the courage to go see what He could do for you? Would you be willing to stop what you're doing, make a right turn, and find out what His makeover could do? We all know that change is difficult and you have to know that if Jesus is going to give you a makeover "Change" is probably going to be in the picture. So let's think about this for a minute. We are talking about your life here. There's a little saying that says: This is your life-Are you who you want to be? That's a big question. I think we all need to ask ourselves that once in awhile. The bigger question is; are we who "God" wants us to be? I'm pretty sure I'm not all He wants me to be. But, I'm willing to let Jesus give me a makeover and that's all you really have to do is be willing. Just tell Him that, and believe me, He will give you one. A Jesus Makeover!

When you get a Jesus makeover it's not just a temporary fix, it's a whole new way of living, a new life. You have to decide that's what you want because He won't do it unless you do. When I first accepted Christ I knew I wanted, and needed, a new life but actually giving up the old one was really a hard thing to do. Not only do you have your old nature, still wanting to do the same things as before, satan is also there trying his best to get you to fail. Then you have the new you that is trying it's best to live for God. It's like a tug-of-war inside yourself. You have to decide to get rid of the old nature and live in your new nature. In the scriptures Ephesians 4:21-24 says: Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God-truly righteous and holy. In order to really get rid of your old way of living you have to do a few things. You have to pray, all the time, and ask the Lord to help you to make it. If you have things from your past, habits and addictions, that aren't pleasing to God, you have to lay them down. You can't just say that you don't want to do these things anymore, you really have to stop doing them. Pray and read the word. The two most important things. And, go to church. Sometimes all of that isn't enough. You might need to have other Christians pray with you and for you. It's okay. You will get stronger if you keep at it. Just don't give up on yourself because God doesn't give up on you. God gives you the power to resist temptations. Read Ephesians 6:10-18. Remember; knowing the right thing to do doesn't bring victory. Only doing the right things does. After awhile you notice that it all is getting easier. The more you pray, read the word and go to church the more you'll see that you are being "Made New". Read
2nd Corinthians 5:17
Soon you will come to realize that all the old physical cravings and desires don't satisfy you any longer. Those things pale in comparison to the new cravings and desires that God gives you. How much He gives you, and how much you grow, really depends on you. You have to stick to it and keep asking Him for more. Embrace the change that God is doing in you.

In my life I have found that a JESUS MAKEOVER doesn't just consist of what He does for you. Part of your makeover will be what you do for him. He might ask you to do things that really aren't something you would normally do. You might have to get out of your comfort zone a little and trust Him. I'm not much of a talker but I have found myself talking about God to a lot of people. I'm not much of a writer either but it seems that I'm writing a blog. You never know what He will have you do once you let Him have control of your life. But, whatever He has you do it will be okay as long as He is in it.

My advice to you is to make that turn. Go for a JESUS MAKEOVER. He will change your life in a way you never dreamed possible.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Before I finish telling you about my time at camp I want to tell you the reason I'm writing about this particular time in my life. From the time I became a Christian God started working on taking away anything from my past that would hinder my walk with Him. Anything that would hold me back and stop Him from being able to move in my life. Things like my lifestyle, habits, and even past events. The memories of these events will always be with me but the pain of them will not. God takes care of that. He makes it so the memories of your past are there but He heals the pain. However, He doesn't always heal physical things that are the consequences of your sin. I also believe you get to keep the memories so you don't go back to your old way of life. He wants me to use these memories to help other people to get past their pain and by writing it out it some how helps me. And, God likes to expose things so that you can see things for what they are. There may be someone that will read this that is involved in something like this and they need to know the truth and what could possibly happen to them. Only God knows and sometimes God uses different ways than we would. We have all done different things in our lives. Some of what I have learned by my sins, may be able to help someone else. By sharing what the Lord has done for me it helps me to grow more in Him. When you do what the Lord tells you to do your being obedient. By being obedient God is able to continue to do more in your life. I always want more of God in my life so I choose to be obedient. If you read Philippians 1:6 in the Amplified version it says: I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ-right up to the time of His return-developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. So, it's not only about getting rid of the old things in your life it's also about allowing new things into your life. Things of God, and learning how to serve Him in every way you can. So here's the rest of that time in my life.

After she got the beer we went back to camp and she drank only a swallow or two then left it and went outside. Our trailer was in the middle of some trees and there are a lot of rocks on the ground. The rocks are
half buried not just laying on the ground. They were all different shapes and sizes. It was the middle of the afternoon and she went out and sat down on a stump outside our door. After she had been there a bit I noticed she was talking to someone. I looked out and didn't see anyone but saw she was looking at the ground. The only thing that was there was a chipmunk, about a foot away, just staring at her. I thought for sure she had lost it and went back inside. We went to work that evening than back to our trailer. Later that night she said she was going to go to the phone and make a call. After she left I just started feeling really scared but didn't know why so I locked the door. She was gone for a couple hours and when she got back she couldn't get in because I had her key. She kept beating on the door and yelling for me to let her in. For some reason I was afraid to but didn't know why. After about 30 minutes I finally did. When she came in it was like she was two different people. Like she was split right down the middle. One side of her face looked normal and she would say normal things. Then almost immediately she would say something either crazy or scary and the other side of her face would move. Her mouth only moved on the side that was talking to me. The normal side had her voice but the other side had a deeper, different kind of voice. After just a minute I realized that someone else was in her. I had never seen anyone demon possessed, except on the movies, but I was pretty sure that was what had happened. She wouldn't let me leave. She insisted that I talk to her. The problem was it wasn't her most of the time. I had a guitar with me and she insisted that I sit down and make up a tune to go with a song she had just wrote. She sang a song that was about me and how I was mean to her. It went on to say something about what was going to happen if things didn't go her way. I can't remember all the words because for years I worked hard to forget them. Many scary things happened that night. All I can say is, be careful whom you align your life with. When you start messing around with drugs your messing around on satan's territory. You open yourself up to him and sometimes it's only by the grace of God that you make it out alive. To make a long night short: I found out the next day that while she had been gone she tried to choke one of our friends to death. Then she ran back to the trailer and insisted I let her in. After that they came looking for her but couldn't get any closer than about 50 feet from the trailer. They said they felt a heaviness all around the trailer and when they tried to get closer it was like there was a wall there. They could not get any closer without risking themselves. So they all made a circle around it, about 20 people, and stayed there all night and prayed for us. The next morning we walked out and they took us to the dining hall where we had devotions every morning. They prayed for us and it was amazing. The demon left and she just collapsed. That's when I found out everything she had done. She told me that who she was talking to earlier was the chipmunk and all the rocks. She said the chipmunk talked to her and the rocks all were heads that looked like demons and they talked to her. She said she thought she was losing her mind and that after awhile she couldn't even think for herself. I stayed in that trailer one more night and then we both left camp the next day.

The sad thing was neither one of us gave our hearts to the Lord. Satan still had a good hold on us. Even though they prayed for us for a long time, and we saw the demon leave, we weren't willing to give up and surrender our lives to God. Satan and the things of this world had a strong hold on us.

You have to make the choice to accept Jesus. Sometimes, the worst of circumstances won't even change your mind. The only explanation I have is I still believed that God didn't want me. The only thing I felt was fear even after all the praying. I thought that if God wanted me He would let me feel something else and take away the fear. After finally surrendering to God I know that it's not always that easy. I know that you have to change and it doesn't always happen immediately when you ask the Lord to forgive you and come into your life. He does forgive us as soon as we ask. For some of us the bad feelings don't just stop. The habits don't always just stop either. For some of us it's a real battle. Satan doesn't want to let go. Sometimes it's a matter of you "really" having to just break free. God will help you. It's what He longs to do. But YOU have to make the first step. Just like with getting saved, He won't force you. For me it's like all of my sin was wrapped around me, layer upon layer, and it takes time for the layers to come off. You might actually say it's the consequences of the sin that's wrapped in layers around you. And it's only God that can help you get them off. As you grow and allow God to change you He helps you to unwrap from them. For some of us you don't get the good feelings right away. In fact the feelings, or lack of them, may not change for a long time. But...eventually they start to. If you keep praying and reading your bible and doing what God directs you to do, He will eventually let your feelings change. For some of us He gives us our feelings back. Sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. But it's a process that has to be gone through if you really want to let God change you for the best.

At the beginning I said that God takes some things away from us in order to change us. That's a good thing. Whenever He takes things out of our lives, He puts new things in our lives. You can be assured that anything new He gives us is far better than anything He takes away.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold , all things have become new.

2 Corinthians 6:17 Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you.

Ephesians 5:8-14 (New International Version)

8For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light 9(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10and find out what pleases the Lord. 11Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, 14for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."

Ephesians 4:22-24 (New Living Translation)

22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

If there is any one reading this that is playing around in satans territory, "STOP" and think about what you are doing. It's a dangerous road you are traveling on. Even if your just messing around with things a little bit, believe me it escalates faster than you can imagine. In my wildest dreams I never thought this could happen to my friend and I. Even though we had parents, and a few friends that prayed for us, God will let things happen so maybe you get a brain and stop all the stuff you shouldn't be doing. We were lucky. I believe God spared us so that someday we could tell people about our experiences in hopes it might prevent even one person from going down that same path.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Have you ever been totally caught up in something? Something that was bigger than you? Bigger than you could ever think was possible? I remember back in the dark ages, 1973 when I graduated from High School, I was. Some of you reading this will probably wonder what I could possibly say that you might find interesting. After all, if I graduated in the 70's I'm pretty old! LOL Let me just say this. The things we did then are still being done today. They may be called by different names but they are the same things. Partying is partying whether you call it getting stoned, high, trashed or just gettin' a buzz on. So back to the original thought...sometimes when your involved in these types of activities things happen that aren't really part of your plans. You're just out to have a good time and you don't realize that there are other forces at work. I'll tell you about one summer of my life that I won't ever forget.

My friend and I had just graduated and we decided to have one last good time before we joined the real world. This is the same friend I talked about in my earlier post "Puzzle Pieces". We decided we wanted to go work at the church camp for the summer. In case you were wondering, our reason for going there was not to become more spiritual. We were both deacons kids and her boyfriends Dad was her pastor and the director of the camp. All we had to do was say we wanted to go and they made a place for us. The best part was we didn't have to stay with the other workers. We had our own little camp trailer. We were cool. The directors wife was in charge of all the workers and was hoping to become my friends mother-in-law. So..whatever we wanted was okay.

We were looking at this as a vacation. And, like most vacations you prepare before you leave. Everything you think your going to need you pack. We got all of our clothes, some snacks, radios, guitar, cigarettes, weed, pipes, rolling papers, lighters....oh..right, we were going to a church camp. That's right, and we were going prepared. We just didn't think about what the consequences might be for what we were going to do at a church camp. We had planned for what we thought would be harmless fun. We had been doing this for years and nothing too bad had happened to us yet.

We got there a couple of days before camp was to start so we could get ready. We ate, swam, smoked, got high went to bed and did the same thing again the next day. Then the campers arrived. Everyday we went to devotions for the workers, served all the meals, cleaned up the dining room and attended night service. The rest of the time was free time. We played games in the trailer, listened to music and smoked and got high. We didn't think anyone except some of our friends knew. Much to our surprise we found out they all knew and just let us stay because they thought we might become Christians. They prayed for us all the time. We were there for all the camps so as time went on we made friends with some Forest Rangers. We had been there for three or four weeks when my friend got the Rangers to bring her a six pack of beer. That was when everything went downhill.

I'll tell you the rest of it the next time. Right now God has given me a few other things to say.

I just want to say that I believe God allows things to happen to us sometimes to get our attention. And if your not a Christian you better be careful because you never know what might happen when your playing in satans playground. Remember what the Bible says in John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that you may have life, and have it more abundantly. Satans goal is to totally destroy you to the point of death. 1 Peter 5:8 says Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. That someone is you. But the great thing is...We have a Savior and His name is Jesus!! He is always there for you. All you have to do is ask Him for His help and He comes. He loves you more than you could ever imagine. Romans 5:8 says this: God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. That is extreme love! Christ's cross..intense. Christ's love..immense. Jesus never regretted the cost He paid on the cross for you. NEVER. John 3:16 says this:
For God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone that believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. If you've never known Gods love you need to ask Him to be the Lord of your life. Just ask Him to forgive you of all the things you've done wrong. Tell Him you give yourself to Him right now. Then receive Him into your life and thank Him for saving you. And believe that He has. Find a church and pray and read your Bible. You won't regret the decision.

Mark 9:23 says this: Everything is possible for him who believes.
Romans 5:22 says: I have gained acccess by faith into the grace of God.
Matthew 4:17 says: I repent and turn away from sin because the kingdom of heaven is near.

Friday, January 16, 2009


Do you ever watch cop shows on TV? Think about when someone is having a problem with an ex spouse or ex boy/girl friend. What do they generally do when they want them to stay away? They get a restraining order against them. They put them on notice. If they come within so many yards of them they will be arrested...if they get caught. However, on most shows you watch they don't get caught until it's too late. They generally do one of three things. Kidnap them, beat them up, or kill them.

Satan is really good at those things too. He will kidnap you and hold you hostage as long as he can. If you allow him too he will keep you bound to those same old sins that you have asked God to forgive you for. What are the people in the movies usually doing after they've been kidnapped? They are usually locked in a room or tied up and blindfolded and gagged. Why is that? So they can't get away. So they are kept confused and under the control of someone else. Beaten down. That's what satan does too. He keeps after you throwing your past up at you until he can hopefully control you. If it doesn't happen easily then he tries to confuse you. Make you wonder if you really are a child of God. If God really did forgive you. Even if God really loves you! He tries his best to beat you down.

Maybe those tactics aren't good enough to work on you. No matter what he says, you still believe that God forgave you and loves you. But, you had some things in your life before becoming a Christian, that were hard for you to lay down. Things that made you feel good for awhile when you did them. ADDICTIONS! Yep, some of us had them. As much as we hate to admit it, we were addicted to one or more things. Satan uses this stuff too. He gets in your head and starts throwing things at you. You have a bad day at work, have a fight with someone, maybe your car breaks down or maybe you even lose your job. Who knows? It could be just about anything he uses to throw at you. Whatever it takes, he beats you up with it. He knows how much you can handle. After all...he's watched you struggle with all of this before. He knows what buttons to push to get you to start thinking about your old addictions and how good they made you feel. Remember...he was the one that was there with you when you used to do them. So...he starts beating you up with the thoughts of them. He starts throwing all the darts at you he can. Just hoping to hit you with the one that's going to push you over the edge. The one that drives you back to that addiction!! Remember too, how it feels to try to fight that addiction. Is it worth going back to? Remember the pain involved to leave it behind the last time. Don't just jump back in because it seems easier.

Then if it all works like he's planned...he goes in for the kill. He knows that with some of us it will only take once. We think that if we give in, fall back into the old habits, that it's all over for us! If we have that one drink or we take that drug, God will never forgive us again. He delivered us from it once and He won't do it again. If satan can get you to believe his lies, and you don't stop and ask God to forgive you and help you to not fall into the trap again, he will have won. In essence he will have killed you. That's his goal. To keep you from God and take you to hell with him. Always remember too, that if you do mess up and let satan and the addictions win, that God will still forgive you if you ask. Be careful though because it's not a game.

Satan's a liar. God will help you. Just ask Him. But you have to do some things too. You can start by putting satan on notice. Issue a restraining order against him, if you will. Pray and ask God to help you with this. I even talk to satan sometimes. I tell him to get away from me and leave me alone. I'm a child of God and he can't touch me.

I've had some great things happen to me in the past week. God has helped me more than once lately. Satan knows when these things happen and he tries to get in your head and mess with you. He doesn't want you to get closer to God. He knows the closer you get the harder it's going to be for him to tempt you and win. With me he waits until I'm tired or stressed and then tries zinging a dart in.

When I woke up Thursday I just felt a heaviness of fear all over me. I realized that I had been dreaming, a nightmare really, that the Lord had come back and that I was still here. Of course everyone else was still in bed so it was quiet. My first thought was that it was true. Then I told myself no way was it true. I know I'm forgiven. I am a child of God!! It took me about an hour to figure out what was going on. Satan didn't want me to win. As soon as I figured this out I put him on notice. I started praying and asked God to issue a restraining order against him. I told satan he was not to be anywhere near me! He was to stay away from me completly. I commanded him to leave in JESUS name! You know what? It worked!! The fear left, that heavy feeling was gone! Praise God!!!

On tv you have to go to court to get a restraining order. As Christians all you have to do is pray and ask the Lord to keep him away from you. Yes, you still will be tempted at times to go back. When that happens pray and read the word. The more you do those things the easier it will be to say no to satan when he comes with his attack. Make it a daily habit to read the word. Pray all the time. Praying gives you peace. You know what peace means?

Praying Energetically Always Creates Ease

I've read that people get addicted to stuff because they work so hard not to feel the things that God created them to feel. You actually become desperate to feel something at all, anything to fill that emptiness that is within yourself. The only way to fill that void and experience real feeling is through God and His love. The other things you use to fill the void eventually just create feelings of fear and emptiness. Try God. You won't regret it.

1 John 4:4 (New International Version) You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Colossians 1:13 He has rescued us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of the Son He loves,

Isaiah 41:13

For I, the LORD your God,
hold your right hand
and say to you: Do not fear,
I will help you.

2 Thessalonians 3:16 May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace always in every way. The Lord be with all of you

John 11:9 "If anyone walks during the day, he doesn't stumble, because he sees the light of this world.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Probably not everyone that will read this post is a Believer in Christ. But...most people have heard stories from either family or friends about great miracles that God has done in their lives or the lives of someone they know. If by some chance you haven't, just keep reading.

This week something really "Incredible" happened to me. Maybe I should start at the beginning.........

About a year ago I went to see the doctor and they sent me for an ultrasound of my thyroid. They have always said they think something is wrong with it because it is enlarged. But, nothing ever shows in the blood work. So I went to have the test. They said there was nodules but they were so small they couldn't test them. Wait a year and come back. So now the year has went by and I had another ultrasound. The call comes from the Dr. telling me they don't like what they have found, it doesn't look good, and I need to see a specialist. They did say that where there used to be two or three small nodules there is now a growth of a considerable size. The appointment for the specialist was going to be in two weeks. I was a little nervous about the whole thing. I told some friends about it who are all Christians and they were praying for me during the time I was waiting to see the Doc. So the two weeks pass and I have the appointment. The Dr. tells me yes there is a growth. What I had before has now tripled in size on the left side. They made an appointment for me to have a biopsy. Well during this time the friends I had told about it were all praying that it would just be gone when I went to see about it. I thought this was a great idea. Having God take it out versus a surgeon taking it out seemed like it would be a lot less painful and a lot less stressful!! I was all for that. However I have to tell you that I was preparing in my mind for either way. I did believe God could take it out but I also know that He doesn't always do those things.

So the day comes for me to go the hospital for the biopsy. I admit I was feeling really stressed. On my way there I just prayed that God would calm me down and just take the growth away. Just like He normally does, when I finally ask Him to help me, I'm calm! They checked me in, I laid down on the table and they said...We are going to check one more time before we start so we can see exactly where to put the needles in. The tech started doing the ultrasound and asked me what side it was supposed to be on. I told him the left side. Now remember, they have all the reports from before and the Dr.'s report. He said he was going to check the other side because maybe they wrote it down wrong. He said no it's not there either. He checked for a few minutes and said he couldn't find it. I told him well if you can't find it then it must have been a miracle because it was there. I could feel it on the inside and I could feel it with my fingers on the outside. It even made it hard for me to swallow. The tech went and got the doctor and he looked for it also. He asked me why I was there and I told him again. He said someone must have made a mistake because there was nothing there. I explained to him one more time that it was there before. They just told me that they were sure it was a mistake and that they weren't going to biopsy it because there wasn't anything to biopsy. They told me this about four times. They just kept saying that they wanted me to understand why they weren't doing it. I told them I understood that it was gone, it had disappeared. They kept saying it was a mistake. I couldn't convince them that it had been there before even though they had all the tests. But you know what? That's okay. I know it was there and I know where it went. What happened was a "MIRACLE". Look at Matthew 21:21 & 22

21 So Jesus answered and said to them, “Assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ it will be done. 22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.”

God still does miracles today. All we have to do is pray and believe. He will always answer. Sometimes yes, sometimes no and sometimes later. But whatever the answer, it's the right one for us and His plan for our life.

God IS the Great Physician. He IS the Healer of our sicknesses. He wants to do things for us. He has already paid the price when he took the stripes on His back. The bible says:

Isaiah 53:4-5 (King James Version)

4.Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5.But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

God performed a miracle in my life!! He took the growth out. Praise God!!! I don't know if it was cancer or not. But you know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that He took it out! People prayed and in faith believed and God answered!! WOW What a miracle. It is hard for me to even know what to say except,


I feel like I don't even know how to thank Him enough for all that He has done for me in my life. All I can do is just live for Him everyday and tell everyone I can about Him. Really that's what He wants from all of us. To just be obedient and do what He asks of us. I believe that if you're a Christian that is what you need to do. It's what you are called to do. When the opportunity arises, take a chance, and tell everyone you can about the Lord. If your not a Christian you need to change that. You need to give God a chance. We are all sinners. The difference is that some of us have decided that we couldn't make it on our own. We asked Him to come into our heart and life and help us to live for Him. We are all just saved by His grace and mercy. It's nothing that we have done on our own. We all go through a lot in this life. Sickness, divorce, death, financial problems all kinds of things. It's nice to know that when you are going through things that there is always someone there that you can talk to. Someone that cares more than anyone else. He is never too busy to listen to you and to help you when you need Him. Make the choice right now to let Him help you through the rest of your life. You won't regret it. Just ask Him to come into your heart and forgive you of your sins. Talk to Him like you would talk to any friend. He will listen to you and help you. Then live for Him. Pray to Him everyday, read your bible and find a church. You'll never be sorry you did.

Here are some verses you can look up. If you don't have a bible you can Google them.

Psalms 103:3 Acts 3:16 Luke 17:19 Mark 10:52 Matthew 21:14 James 5:14-16
Luke 7:50 Luke 12:8 John 6:35 John 11:25-26 Matthew 11:25-26

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


For a couple of days now I have had a feeling inside that I just can't get rid of. I haven't been able to figure out what it is. I sit down to write something and different things come to mind but no thoughts form to write them. The one thing I keep thinking of is the struggle we all have between good and bad. It goes on for all of us. The flesh side of us wants to do one thing while the spiritual side of us wants to do something else. The classic "Good versus Evil". I just haven't been able to form the thoughts to write it. It's like the words are right there, on the edge of my thoughts, but I just can't quite grasp them. It is the "Fight" going on within me. The struggle, if you will, between God wanting me to write and satan not wanting me to write. I have the final choice. Whom do I let win? I struggle because sometimes it's hard for me to put in writing the sins of my past. There is always that worry of what people will think of you. And then there's the problem of deciding which event of my past that I'm supposed to use. There are many and none of them are very good. So...I just have to remember that it is my past, some distant and some that is fairly recent. God has forgiven me. He has told me to write these posts. I do it for Him and not for myself.

If you want to live you have to die. Die to Self. Sometimes that can be pretty dangerous...and terrifying! But it's worth it. Why? Because I know that "urgency" I feel is God. Without Him there is a good chance that I wouldn't be here today to have the opportunity to "decide" who I was going to let win this struggle inside myself. I believe the reason I am here to write this today is because God has a purpose for my life. There are people that will read this that either have had or are having the same issues in life that I have had. For that reason alone, God has spared my life so I can tell them what He has done for me and that He will do the same for them if they will let Him. Because of God I have eternal life and anyone that is reading this can have it too. It's always your choice.

So now I'm just going to go for broke so to speak. God told me before I ever started blogging that when I told my story I would have to tell it all. That didn't make me very happy. You see some things you just don't want everyone to know. I'm sure there are things in your past you would rather forget and somethings that you certainly wouldn't want to share. I started out with a post about pain. That the reason for "your pain" is so you have a testimony. That's true. God does allow pain for that reason. But not only does God allow it, you bring on some of your pain yourself. Then God uses it to help other people so maybe, if they pay attention, they don't have to go through some of the pain. You can always learn by others mistakes or sins, if you will. In other words, "They can learn from your pain". Your pain doesn't need to be wasted! I pray right now that whomever it is that is reading this listens and learns. Here's another chapter of my story:

There have been a few times in my life when the "word" suicide went through my brain. Back when I was younger I thought for some reason that my life was pretty useless. I couldn't think of much reason to live. But...I only thought the word. I really didn't entertain the thought for more than a second or two at a time.
It was usually just crazy, stupid reasons. Mainly it was just the thought that I really had nothing to live for. I didn't even know why I thought that. I know now it was just satan and the lies that he likes to fill your head with. He will do anything to take you out that he can. His goal is to get you to die, without Jesus, so you will spend eternity with him and his demons in HELL. Make no mistake about it. You will go to Hell if you don't have Jesus in your heart. Suicide, in my opinion, will get you there real quick.

I have to stop right now and tell you that the whole time I have been writing this that I have had nothing but turmoil going on inside of me. I could hardly think or type. It has been really hard deciding if I should write this or not. So after I typed the words, Here's another chapter to my story, I prayed that God would give me peace if I was supposed to go on with this. I have to tell you as soon as I started the next paragraph the turmoil inside has stopped and the words are flowing. So I know I'm doing the right thing. Thank You Jesus for the confirmation!!'s still hard to share these things. forward to August 10,2007. I became a Christian on that day. I thought I had been battling before then, but let me tell you that the battle really began in full force after I accepted Christ. I thought that things would be easier. I was told I would have problems and that satan would attack me. I believed the people that told me that but I never dreamed it could be so bad. The thing I need to tell you is that once you become a Christian satan will fight even harder for you. He had you before so he didn't need to bother you as much. For me he kept bringing to my mind that my life was worth nothing. That I hadn't really changed. And...I would believe him. I was a mess a lot of the time. Some days were great. I would read my bible and pray and things couldn't be better. But other days were really bad. I would start listening to satan and believing his lies. Then that word came up in my thoughts again. Suicide. I have no idea why. I would be driving down the road and I would just have weird thoughts, like...Just drive into that tree. Or when I would drive over the freeway I would think...Just step on it and drive through the guard rail. When these thoughts came to my mind I would get scared. I would wonder why I was thinking these things. Wasn't life supposed to be good now? After all...I'm a Christian now. This stuff shouldn't be happening. So because of this I wanted to drink. You might say that drinking isn't a bad thing. Well, it's not always a good thing either. For me I knew it wasn't good. I would call a friend and talk with them. They would talk to me about God and pray with me. This went on for quite sometime. There were many times when I was sure I wasn't going to make it. But...God is faithful. I listened to what my friends told me. I talked to them alot. I prayed, read my bible and went to church. Even though there were many times when I didn't want to. And, I have to say that sometimes I didn't. Satan would win by my choice. I didn't want to because of that war that was going on inside of me. Good versus Evil. GOD versus Satan. The thing is, you can't listen to satan. He will snuff you out faster than anything if he can. He is waiting for you like a roaring lion. Waiting to devour you. If he can get you to drive into that tree, drive through a guardrail, take a handful of pills, put a gun to your head, slit your wrists or any other way you can think of to kill yourself...he will! Make no mistake about it...He hates you. Remember, his goal is to have you in hell with him.
It all finally stopped when I made the choice to really live for God. Not when my friends made it for me. Not when I halfway did things. I had to fully decide that I would commit myself wholly to God. Not just when I wanted too. I had to make the switch from making excuses, to actually living out, to the best of my ability, being what God wants me to be.

If you are thinking of sucide, even in the slightest way, Don't! No matter how bad you think your life is now, try imagining burning for eternity. It's not worth it. Talk to God. Ask Him for help. Then find someone that is a Christian, that you can trust, to talk to. If you don't know anyone like that call a church. They will help you. God is so much better. I'm not going to tell you that following God is always easy because it's not. I have had numerous struggles with it. But...If you will totally surrender to Him it is so much easier. I would not trade my relationship with the Lord for anything in the world. Nothing can replace Him and no one can do what He has done for me. I know that my life has purpose now. I don't always know what it is, but I know that He will tell me if I ask.

Without God your life is pretty much useless. Ask Jesus to come into your life and He will give you a purpose for living. IT'S LIKE AN ADVENTURE. You never know what He is going to ask you to do. One of the best parts about it is, He will give you the courage to do it. Before I would have never told anyone these things. Whether it would have been through writing them or verbally telling them. Wouldn't have happened. Don't get me wrong. It still scares me. Like I said before, it's terrifying at times. On my blog I call myself a "reformed rebel". I am. I once was a rebel for satan but now I am a rebel for Jesus. I will work against satan every chance I get because that is what I am called to do. If you haven't already done so you need to take up the call. Don't be ashamed.

Jesus said, "If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when He comes in His Father's glory with the holy angels." Mark 8:38

2 Tim 1:8-10 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

Rom 1:16 I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

St. Matthew 10.33
But he that shall deny me before men, I will also deny him before my Father who is in heaven.

Peter 5:8

Be sober, be vigilent; because your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


About a week ago a friend and I decided we would put together a jigsaw puzzle. We worked on it for hours. We got the border put together and some of the pieces that fit on the inside of the border. We also have some of the pieces put together that don't fit anywhere yet. There just sitting on the table waiting to be connected to the rest of the puzzle. While I was working on the puzzle I had the thought that the puzzle was really a lot like life. There are a lot of different pieces to our lives and we are always trying to fit it all together. Since then I have had the thought that it's a whole lot easier with help. Just like the puzzle.

It seems in life we are in a constant battle. Always struggling to fit the pieces of our lives together. Whether it has to do with other people or just yourself or sometimes with God. After a lifetime of struggling with the pieces of my life I finally decided to see if God could help me put all the pieces together. I'm happy to tell you that once I started asking He is.

When we opened the puzzle box what was inside was just a mess of funny shaped colored cardboard. The first thing we had to do was dump them all out and turn them right side up. When you come to God that's kind of what He does. He takes you and just kind of starts getting all the stuff on the inside of you dumped out. When your doing a puzzle you can't work on every section at once. You won't get very far if you do. You have to pick one section, try to find all the colored pieces that may go there, and start putting them together. With us that's what God does. He takes one thing that isn't right and starts working with us on it. Just one section. It's pretty much all jumbled just like the pieces. But, then He starts working with you. He starts getting the pieces all right side up. Once He starts you have to do your part too. He is your friend, helping you put the pieces of your life together. God has to work with you longer on some things than other things. No matter where you've been, or what you've done in life, until you come to God your pieces are really not going to fit together like they should.

I don't like talking about my past very much. I'm only doing it because God wants me to. I believe that there are people that will read this that need to hear what I have to say. Where I once was and where God has brought me to now. Maybe they've been there or are there now. I don't know. I also want you to know that in no way am I trying to make satan look good. For whatever the reason here's a little more of my story.

I always knew my life was a mess. The summer before junior high I started smoking. Not long after I started 7th grade I was taking pills on a regular basis. I told you in an earlier post I was a deacons kid. So was my best friend. And, as it happens, her boyfriend was the preachers son where she went to church. I say that just so you kind of know where I'm coming from, not to give
preachers and deacons a bad name. In a later post you'll understand why I'm telling you this. Her boyfriend was in high school and had become a drug dealer. He got us anything we wanted. Free of charge. We thought we were in "Heaven", so to speak. In the town I grew up in there weren't any gangs and schools didn't have guards. But just like every other place satan was there. We were doing everything he wanted us to do and thought we were having the time of our lives. We had so much "fun" we continued on right through high school. I can truthfully tell you that had it not been for friends that prayed for us, and I'm sure parents that prayed for us, I wouldn't be writing this now. Sometimes I would take a handful of pills. I didn't care what they were. Sometimes amphetamines and sometimes barbiturates. It didn't really matter. I just really didn't want to be me. I thought by doing drugs I would be a different person. One I could like and one that other people would like. To a degree it worked. I did change. I became more withdrawn. I still didn't like me and I didn't have any more friends than when I started. The kind of friends you make when you do drugs aren't ones that you want to have a life long relationship with. They pretty much just want what you have. For the most part I did everything I set out to do when I started junior high. Drugs and smoking. The only thing I didn't do was start drinking. That had to wait for high school.

If your reading this, and thinking about starting to do some of these things, stop and talk to someone first. I can tell you from experience it doesn't solve any of your problems. It actually makes them worse. I'm not going to tell you that they don't make you feel good because they do. And yes, it is fun. If you've attended church at all in your lifetime you probably have heard the pastor say that "sin is fun for a season". Eventually though you pay for it. Even after becoming a Christian you sometimes still have problems because of how you lived. I believe that God will heal you of a lot of things but still others He may not. It's all just a price you pay for the sin.

Getting back to the puzzle...I had and still do have a lot of pieces that needed to be turned right side up and put together. God has helped me with a lot of them already. There are still many more places that need to be worked on. With God's help someday the picture will be complete. I believe that will be when I reach Heaven. He can do that for you to if you let Him. Whatever the reasons your pieces are torn apart and in a mess, He wants to help you with them. It's not easy to do but with God all things are possible. Even putting the mess that we call our lives back together. Let Him help you do it. Give Him control. You won't regret it.

We used to sing a song in church when I was a kid that said this:

Only believe, Only believe, All things are possible only Believe.

That's all you have to do. Just believe and trust in God. He will help you!