Saturday, April 13, 2013


As you can tell by reading my last couple of posts...God has been trying to get my attention.  I've noticed...I just haven't been responding.  Mainly because I haven't known the answers to the questions that keep forming in my mind.  At times I don't even know the questions...but I do know who brings on the confusion...

More and more it seems that I have been slipping away.  Away from what?...everything that holds me together.  Why?...I keep asking myself.  The answer...I don't have one.  Then the next long has this been going on?  Days...weeks...months even?!  All I can say is...for a while now.  It hasn't been a complete all the time thing...but it has been happening more and more.  I know it...heart and soul.

When I first started noticing the difference I went back and read some of the things written in the past.  Everything I picked to read was written with feeling.  They were truth...honesty...transparent and yes!...some even were gut wrenching to me.  Where did I go?  Where did it go?  That feeling...that heart that I once had for everything that was right and good...for Him.  How have I let it get lost...myself get lost...amongst everything else that goes on in life?  Really, the only answer that I can come up with is just life. That I have let life...all the ups and downs...twists and own failure...sidetrack me.

So now the next question.  Where do I go from here?  Yes...there is the obvious answer.  Back to doing what I did in the beginning...reading...studying...learning.  And yet...not just those things.  I need to open my spiritual ears...and do and hear what He wants me to do...completely.  Give Him freely, the part of me that I hold back...what ever that may be.  At this point I don't really know what that is...but I want too.  I need to not let the disappointments sideline me.

Why am I sharing this with all of you?  That's a good question.  One that I have asked myself time and time again since starting this blog.  The answer?  For one reason and one reason only.  Because God...God wants me to be transparent.  Maybe because I have always hidden life...from everyone. At least I did before becoming a Christian.  I always lived in the shadows...the darker the better...shadows and walls...and I came to like it that way.  At times it's really hard to not still be like that!  But one thing I know now is hide in the shadows and behind walls is darkness and promotes fear.  To live in the open is light and promotes life.  Gods the the right way...the best way.   

And do I end this? 

I read a prayer tonight from Called Magazine that said this...

Father, if we're (I'm) on the wrong path, please redirect our (my) steps. ~ Don't allow us (me) to live our lives (my life) missing Your plan. 

In Jesus' name, Amen

To personalize it I added the words in parenthesis.

I believe I saw this prayer so that I would know that GOD is redirecting my steps today.  Not to get me back to where I once was, but to help me to become more.  More of who He wants me to be. 

I'm going to end this with the 23d Psalm because He is my Shepherd and the only One that I want to follow!

Psalm 23

The Lord the Shepherd

A psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have everything I need.
He lets me rest in green pastures.
    He leads me to calm water.
He gives me new strength.
He leads me on paths that are right
    for the good of his name.
Even if I walk through a very dark valley,
    I will not be afraid,
because you are with me.
    Your rod and your shepherd’s staff comfort me.
You prepare a meal for me
    in front of my enemies.
You pour oil of blessing on my head;
    you fill my cup to overflowing.
Surely your goodness and love will be with me
    all my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.


Jan Christiansen said...

Once again I have seen YOU shining through in your post...your honest, true self. The one that longs to know God more, to love Him more...and it was refreshing to read.

One reason God doesn't want you isolated behind walls and smoke screens is because you have a gift of sharing your walk in such a way that it ministers to and encourages others. That's also the exact reason that the enemy nudges you to go back to that kind of existence.

As far as feeling distant from God, that happens to us all. I've been walking with God for over 35 years now and I've noticed a trend. I'll go through periods where God feels so close I can touch Him. Times that He answers even the smallest prayers. Times when life allows me to focus intently on Him. But then I'll go through a period where God seems so very far away, or my heart is far from Him. My intentions are good, I haven't turned my back on Him, but life crowds out my awareness of Him, not to mention my time spent with Him.

When we read Psalms, we notice that David had those same cycles of closeness and distance from God. I believe that when we are brand new believers, God purposely gives us a sharp sense of his presence and answers our prayers quickly so that our confidence in Him grows rapidly, but then when He's sure we're firmly established in Him, He will at times pull back so that we are forced to stand on faith - to reaffirm our trust in Him, even when we can't "feel" Him or "hear" Him, because that strengthens our faith even more.

Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that God ever leaves us, because the Word says that He will never do that. He's always with us whether we can feel Him or not, but he dulls our awareness so that we can see and evaluate the depth of our faith and commitment to Him and strengthen it if need be.

You're on the right track, Chelle. You don't have to fight and claw your way back to where you were. Simply stand on what you believe, let God know that no matter how it seems, you know that He is still right at your side and that no matter what, you are going to stay right by His side.

Relax and let Him do the work in you that He's trying to do and soon, you'll find yourself on the flip-side of this cycle...once again enjoying an awareness of His presence.

Prayin' for ya, gal,

Fellowship of Christian Bloggers

Pamela said...

God is with you in your words...I feel Him, too. He leads us -- and sometimes we just need those still waters. To rest, to be, until the warmth and light of His presence with goodness and mercy leads you on.

Tresa Walker said...

I love how God speaks to us wherever we are and He keeps speaking until we are finally ready to hear! Like Jan, I'm praying for you girl!

Brenda said...

I also say that same prayer for you, knowing that God will answer it because it is according to His will and He says that where two agree as touching anything on earth it will be done for us by our Father in Heaven. I always want His plan in my life too as I have come to realize that there is nothing better, as His plan for us is for welfare and not harm. God bless you

Tracy said...

Hi Chelle, it seems you have had tons of questions. That happens to me too. I read this the other day and it has kind of stumped me with regards to my question-asking: "I know now, Lord, why You utter no answer. You are Yourself the answer. Be4 Your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? C.S Lewis" wow right?! I'm praying for you Chelle
God bless

Never Forsaken said...

Hi Chelle,
I read your post and saw so much of my own struggle. I wonder sometimes why I keep going back and forth between what I think I should do and be, and what God says about who I am and what I must do according to His perfect will.
As you may know, I am very good in putting up walls, and sometimes I even close the window blinds shutting out all light from my life. I don't know why I do this either, except for what you said about the enemy trying to keep us isolated.
I have always loved your writing from your heart...your blog is so good because it is frills, no smoke-screens just you and your heart and look at all who you have touched without using any gimmicks or anything (not even a picture) ...your blog is honest and straight forward and I find that very refreshing and much needed...Thank you for being such a good friend!
BTW, your blog does not show up on my blogroll lately...I am looking into that and will try to keep up with you too...Love you, my friend!
~God bless~ Lisa