Monday, May 14, 2012


Lately I have been wondering what is wrong with me. Why don't I have that "good" feeling inside anymore? Why am I hiding from people I love...not "really" talking to them...not being myself with them? "What" has been happening on the inside of me to make me such a different person than I thought I was becoming? I have been having all these questions and no answers for 3-4 weeks now.

I have been in bad humor...stressed...anxious...and becoming withdrawn again, hiding. Going to church and wanting to just get out. Trying to pray has been just that...trying and then giving up! Reading my Bible...I look at it and think, Not happening for me!...and I don't look at it again. Why?

Today, after getting home, I decided to look at my blog. I've been noticing lately that a lot of people have been going back and reading my posts from 2009/2010. Today, Let Him Rock You was being read a lot. So...I read it. God started getting my attention just like He did when I wrote it in October of 2010. So that got me to thinking. What was going on in my life then? Why did I write that? So, I read the one just before it...Seek Him. By going back and reading what the Lord gave me to write 1 1/2 years ago I'm finding the answer to my Why?

Maybe I'm...running...running...running...I've always been good at that. Not in a physical sense but more in a spiritual sense. Why? Things I just don't understand completely. Fears. Doubts. Questions.

So what's the answer to this? I can continue on and keep running...the wrong way, or...I can go back like I was. Hidden and withdrawn from everyone...miserable. Or...I can get a grip and do what Isaiah 55:6 says...

Isaiah 55:6 (New Living Translation)

 6 Seek the Lord while you can find him.
      Call on him now while he is near.


Child of God said...

Hi Chelle,

It's okay. I don't always have that good feeling inside of me either. I have to choose joy and sometimes it is just plain hard.

I am in a bit of a rush right now and need to run, but please know I am praying for you.

Run into Him. Seek His face and if you need, pound on His door.


pinks said...

The world can make us so tired sometimes. And it even makes refueling with God sound exhausting. Satan can be really good with his tricks. Its such a great and graceful thing that our Lord loves us so much and protects us fiercely. Loves and prayers to you, Chelle.


Denise said...

It's so difficult to go through these times when we are withdrawn and numb, and I know you will pull through this sweet Chelle! When I feel my spirit being crushed and loneliness creeping in, I try to remember that it's not the time to look inward but instead to reach out more and more to God.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Psalms 34:17-18)

Sending blessings and prayers!

Tracy said...

Hi Chelle - I know exactly what you mean and I find that I don't want to read the word, I don't want to pray, I don't want to go the church, I don't want to see people, but you know what? As soon as you start focusing on the word and on God, slowly your inner life starts to change and soon you realize that,"wait a minute, I feel good and blessed and.."

They say that people who don't suffer from depression tend to be those who when feeling 'blue' go and help others, engage in something that serves others. I think the same is true with us, feeling blue or not feeling at all? Go spend time in the word, turn up the God music LOUD! Praying for you my friend
God bless
ps: great post and so transparent

Reformed rebel said...

Thank you ladies for all your thoughts and prayers. I appreciate you all.

Blessings and hugs...Chelle