Still Learning

For many weeks I have found myself feeling lost. There has been no reason I could put my thoughts too...just lost. A feeling that seems to be down deep within...one I can't get away from. I have just found myself slipping away from all that I have come to know...from all that I enjoy doing...from all that is important to me. This scared me! My thoughts have been...jumbled. This past week has helped me to get some perspective on all of this.

The past eight days was everything I knew it was going to be...and more. There were many emotions that overtook all my thoughts. Thinking I was prepared...I was not. My days were busy...hectic...sad...and overwhelming. I spent seven nights alone in a hotel room. This was good because it was quiet but also not good because most thoughts were not constructive thoughts. The first couple of days my mind was filled with thoughts that were not from God. I did ask Him for help but took it no further. Then when I felt I could go no further I "actually" picked up my bible and said...God, please help me. Show me something in Your Word that will help me to make it through this time. You know what? He did just that. The Bible I had with me has a lot of little post it tabs marking scriptures I have highlighted. Some are yellow and some are black/white polka dots. My hand went right to a polka dot one and I knew that this is what the Lord wanted me to read...

Isaiah 41:10 & 13

¹⁰ Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

    Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
    I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

¹³ For I hold you by your right hand—
    I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
    ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.

I have the Amplified version of verse 10 written in the margin...

¹⁰ Fear not [there is nothing to fear], for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My [victorious] right hand of rightness and justice.

This was exactly what I needed to read to get me through the place where I found myself at. Looking up what dismayed is, it was a lot of how I was feeling...

utter disheartenment...

agitation of mind; perturbation; alarmed.

I needed strength, help and yes...even to be hardened to a degree to the circumstances where I was. Nothing changed while I was there. I couldn't make things different...couldn't fix the issues that I walked in to. Basically...everything is when I left...as it was when I arrived. For myself...

I have learned that no matter how lost I am feeling...God is still there. Actually...God is still here...with me. The "lost" feeling comes from much anticipation of things I have no control over. Things I have to turn over to the Lord because He is the only one that can do anything to change them...I can't. I have to learn to let go of many things that don't make sense to me...people and the circumstances that they are in. Find my way fully back to the things that are good for...and important...to me.

I'm sharing this today because there may be some of you in similar places right now. You may be finding yourself in the midst of things you just don't understand. I've decided that only God knows and understands everything in our lives...we weren't meant to. My story, and circumstance, is different than yours is but it is still only God that can help you through it. He is always there with us we just have to call on Him to help us.

Still learning to just give it up to Him...