It's kind of mind boggling to me how sometimes I lose my way and start wondering if everything that has happened in the last two plus years is real or if I have just been playing a game. Lately I have been experiencing a few doubts about things.
You see, all of my life I pretended to be something I wasn't so that no one would ask me questions. Every Christian I knew thought that I was also a Christian. As long as they thought that, there was no questions asked of me. Then the last couple of weeks things have been happening that have made me question whether or not I had really changed. Was I still just playing a game? After all, I had gotten very good at it. My questioning all of this is what I think caused me more problems. All of a sudden I seemed to be filled with fear and I didn't know why that was. When I started writing this, is when it all started making sense to me...
Satan has been filling my head with doubt and fear and I have to take responsibilty for listening to him. What I have figured out in the last couple of hours is that; every time GOD starts working in my life in some way...that devil starts working on me also. He doesn't want me to listen to GOD and continue to grow in HIM. He wants to keep me bound up in every way he can. Sometimes I must think...subconsiously of course...that listening to the devil is easier because changing is too hard. One thing that I heard recently is, if you don't show emotion or, shed a tear occasionally, you are just hard hearted. So my thoughts were, how could you be a Christian and be hard hearted? And THAT! is when the fear set in.
Have I been playing a game? NO! GOD is real and HE has changed my life. This has not been just a game. We have to guard our hearts and minds against satans attacks. He's waiting for his chance to mess you up. Don't let him do that. Stand firm and keep fighting.
Exodus 14:13 (New International Version)
13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today."