Flatlining

Today I am so thankful for Gods grace, His understanding, and His love! I am truly blessed.

Last Sunday I stepped back from blogging for a while. I really didn't have any idea when I would start again. In fact, I wasn't even sure if I would. It was so hard for me to do that but at the same time I knew it was the right thing. The last few posts I had written were flat. To me they didn't have any inspiration behind them because I had lost mine. The words just weren't coming anymore and the feeling was gone. For me, the feeling being gone is a scary thing. Emotion and feelings have never come easy and once I started having them, just to think I might be without them in my life again, was hard! After I had posted that I needed to regroup I was so sad. When I went to bed I heard God talk to me for the first time in a while. What He said made me think about a lot of things. His words to me were...You are flatlining! The picture that was immediately before me was...a hospital room and a bed. I couldn't see who was in it but they were hooked up to the machine that shows your heartbeat. I could see the line going up and down. It became less and less until...it flatlined! I was thinking it was me lying there. I wasn't physically dying but spiritually...I was there. I know that sounds dramatic but that's what happened. I believe God let me hear from Him and see that in my minds eye to wake me up! You would have thought that I would have hit the floor on my knees...but I didn't. Literally, I just felt dead inside. I had no idea what I was going to do or how it would turn out. I just knew that something had to change in me. I picked up my bible and opened it and thought...what will I read. I said...God help me to read what ever it is I need to hear right now. Well, I don't read in the Old Testament a lot but my fingers just went to Joshua. This is what I read...

JOSHUA 1:8-9 (NLT)

⁸ Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. ⁹ This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

At that point my thoughts were how amazing God is. I knew that He knew I was struggling but...my old mind set had come back. I didn't think He really cared.

He does. I know that now more than I did before. Throughout this week many things have happened. Good things. God has been working in my heart and doing more healing in me. In the coming days I will share some of the events of this week as the Lord leads me to. I know that many of you in my blog world have prayed for me and I appreciate it. You are all blessings in my life and I am thankful for each of you!