Faith Versus Fear

I just wanted to share these two days off of my calendar with you. It's called; Gods Heart For You...by Holley Gerth. I had not looked at my calendar for about ten days but the day I went to the surgeon I decided to see what it had to say. I went on the 18th but I read the 17th and 18th.

17th

Hey, you.

Yep, you.

The one feeling a little weary.

Carrying that load.

Fighting this battle.

You're beautiful, you know that?

It's true.

And you can do this with Him.

With His power.

18th

You feel like your strength is small.

But it's not.

It's BIG.

World-changing big.

Life-altering big.

Make-it-over-that-mountain big.

BIG enough for you to do what you need to do.

Because your strength is as big as the GOD in you.

Aren't they good!!! I like all of what it says but especially this part...Because your strength is as big as the GOD in you. That is so true. I was just thinking about unshakeable faith the last couple of days. How I so want to just get there!! In my head...my heart I guess. Just to have faith no matter what. A faith so big that no matter what...I'm okay with it. That I know that God is in control of every situation and I can just roll with whatever happens...at any given time...and not doubt and be fearful or whatever other emotion I have. I don't like how I'm good one minute with how things are going to be and then the next I'm feeling the wave of...I don't want to do this fear.
 
So...back to that last line of the 18th...

I ask myself...How big is the GOD in me? Well, I think the answer is...as Big as I will let Him be. If I believe He is in control and I have nothing to fear...then I'll be okay. It's when I start listening to the voice in my ear...instead of in my heart...that I get all messed up. Satan is the one filling my head with the fear thoughts. I know this but I still listen. God wants to be the One I listen to. The voice that is bigger than any other voice! I have always thought that the voice of God is probably a Big, Deep Voice...rather booming! That is if you were to hear it audibly. But that's just my thought.

To wrap this all up I will just say this...

At times we all fight battles and feel weary...worn out and down in fact! And sometimes...our strength is pretty much gone. But I know...I Know!!!...that God is still there. Fighting with us...giving us the strength we need, just when we need it. HE is...everything and all we need! And in a few days when I need to really have that faith to believe...beyond any doubt...He will help me to have it! 

Redirecting

As you can tell by reading my last couple of posts...God has been trying to get my attention.  I've noticed...I just haven't been responding.  Mainly because I haven't known the answers to the questions that keep forming in my mind.  At times I don't even know the questions...but I do know who brings on the confusion...

More and more it seems that I have been slipping away.  Away from what?...everything that holds me together.  Why?...I keep asking myself.  The answer...I don't have one.  Then the next question...how long has this been going on?  Days...weeks...months even?!  All I can say is...for a while now.  It hasn't been a complete all the time thing...but it has been happening more and more.  I know it...heart and soul.

When I first started noticing the difference I went back and read some of the things written in the past.  Everything I picked to read was written with feeling...my feeling.  They were truth...honesty...transparent and yes!...some even were gut wrenching to me.  Where did I go?  Where did it go?  That feeling...that heart that I once had for everything that was right and good...for Him.  How have I let it get lost...myself get lost...amongst everything else that goes on in life?  Really, the only answer that I can come up with is just life. That I have let life...all the ups and downs...twists and turns...disappointments...my own failure...sidetrack me.

So now the next question.  Where do I go from here?  Yes...there is the obvious answer.  Back to doing what I did in the beginning...reading...studying...learning.  And yet...not just those things.  I need to open my heart...my mind...my spiritual ears...and do and hear what He wants me to do...completely.  Give Him freely, the part of me that I hold back...what ever that may be.  At this point I don't really know what that is...but I want too.  I need to not let the disappointments sideline me.

Why am I sharing this with all of you?  That's a good question.  One that I have asked myself time and time again since starting this blog.  The answer?  For one reason and one reason only.  Because God...God wants me to be transparent.  Maybe because I have always hidden myself...my life...from everyone. At least I did before becoming a Christian.  I always lived in the shadows...the darker the better...shadows and walls...and I came to like it that way.  At times it's really hard to not still be like that!  But one thing I know now is this...to hide in the shadows and behind walls is darkness and promotes fear.  To live in the open is light and promotes life.  Gods way...in the light...is the right way...the best way.   

And now...how do I end this? 

I read a prayer tonight from Called Magazine that said this...

Father, if we're (I'm) on the wrong path, please redirect our (my) steps. ~ Don't allow us (me) to live our lives (my life) missing Your plan. 

In Jesus' name, Amen

To personalize it I added the words in parenthesis.

I believe I saw this prayer so that I would know that GOD is redirecting my steps today.  Not to get me back to where I once was, but to help me to become more.  More of who He wants me to be. 

I'm going to end this with the 23d Psalm because He is my Shepherd and the only One that I want to follow!

Psalm 23

The Lord the Shepherd

A psalm of David.

23 The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have everything I need.
² He lets me rest in green pastures.
    He leads me to calm water.
³ He gives me new strength.
He leads me on paths that are right
    for the good of his name.
⁴ Even if I walk through a very dark valley,
    I will not be afraid,
because you are with me.
    Your rod and your shepherd’s staff comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a meal for me
    in front of my enemies.
You pour oil of blessing on my head;
    you fill my cup to overflowing.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will be with me
    all my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

LORD I Need YOU More

I need You more than ever before
more than anything else in my life
more than the sunshine or the rain
more than the dew upon the flower
more than the birds in early spring

I want You more than my biggest dream
more than my mind can conceive
more than my deepest longing
more than my highest hopes
more than my heart can fathom

I long to let Your love
consume my mind
comsume my heart
consume my soul
consume my whole life

To the core of my being
to the places I have never let You go
to be more to me than I think possible
to run wild within my heart
to depths I have never known

You are everything I need
the One who has given me grace
the One who has healed my mind
the One who has allowed me to feel
the One who has given me hope

You Lord have imparted Your peace to me
You Lord have given me life free and abundant

You Lord have opened my eyes so I could see

You Lord have opened my heart to receive love
You Lord have freely given me more than I could have imagined

Yet today Lord I need You more
more than ever before
more than my thoughts can conjure
more than my mouth can speak
more than my heart can feel

You are the same yesterday today and forever
yet I Lord am forever changing
yet I Lord am forever needing
yet I Lord am forever reaching
yet I Lord am forever growing

So today Lord I ask You
to hold me up once again
to give me strength once again
to let me feel Your love once again
to heal my body soul and mind once again

Because Lord

I will always need You more
more than my mind can conceive
more than my deepest longing
more than my highest hopes
more than my heart can fathom