I once heard a song done by Carmen that says; When satan reminds us of our past we need to remind him of his future!! I liked that. Have you ever had GOD remind you of your past? He did me just the last couple of days. He brought something back to my memory that really wasn't forgotten, I had just pushed it aside. I think from time to time everyone does that with something. We all have "skeletons in our closets". The question is...What do you do with those skeletons?
Well...for me, I write about those skeletons. Last December I told GOD that whatever HE wanted me to write, I would. Yesterday, and again today, I tried to back out of it. But...HE keeps telling me to write. For some reason, and sometimes I'm not sure what that is, God has me share my past...my pain, if you will...to help others that may have went through similar things. And, as I have shared before, when I do that GOD also starts a healing process in my own life. I want to tell you right now that it can sometimes be painful. GOD doesn't promise us that life will always be easy. HE just asks that we trust and obey HIM and HE will always be there for us. HE will never leave or forsake us. You will find that in Hebrews 13:5. That is quickly becoming one of my favorite verses. So as you may have guessed, GOD has asked me to share something out of my past again.
When HE first told me to write about this I said "NO". I was at work and like so many times before HE filled my thoughts with words for me to write in this blog. I knew that's what I was supposed to do with it. This time however is different than other times. It's not about something I had done, but something that was done to me. That makes a lot of difference. Things that you do are a choice. If you choose to do something it's not as hard to tell others about it. But the things that are done to you, you have no control over. That can sometimes make it very hard to tell other people. So I pushed it out of my thoughts, turned my music up, and kept working. About three songs later the lyrics were..."There's a famine in the land and we have a pocket full of seeds." Well, don't you know my next thoughts were..."People are suffering keeping some of the same secrets you have." "People are dying"...the famine..."and you can help them, you have the answer"...pocket of seeds. I did not want to hear that. I pushed it out of my mind again and kept working. There were a few times last night and today that it entered my mind but I didn't let it stay long. Then when I was driving home from work today God brought the incident flooding back into my mind. I think I remembered every detail. Then HE told me that this was one of the main reasons that I had lived my life the way I had. Here's the story....
The summer before I started 7th grade, someone that my family knew well, tried to rape me. He was a big guy. Six' five, about 250 pounds. He took me for a ride on his motorcycle out into some rock beds. I won't give you any details of what happened except to say it was a horrible experience. Short of him committing the final act, I hit him with something and got away. I now believe that it was GOD that gave me the strength to get away from him. The only other person that ever knew was his wife and she made me promise not to tell. I was 12, and scared, so I didn't. Over the years he apologized a few times and I always told him I forgave him. Since I have become a Christian I can truly say I have forgiven him.
When GOD brought all this back to me today, HE told me that it was one of the main reasons I had made the choices that I did while growing up. He let me know that I chose drugs, alcohol and every negative emotion that I had because of this. All of the other emotions like love and happiness I had in effect pretty much shut down because of this. HE told me that this act was the root cause of the reason I chose the path I had. This was a person I had completely trusted and because he violated that trust, I was never the same.
So for two days now HE has been asking me to write this and I have been saying "NO". GOD has done so much for me that I know HE will make it all okay. It's hard to put my story out there sometimes, but I know I just have to trust GOD. For anyone out there who has gone through something like this maybe GOD had me write this for you. I don't know. All I can tell you is, if you will let GOD help you with the pain of your past, HE will. HE is there waiting for you to bring it to HIM. Believe me when I say, that without the LORD, I would not have had the courage to write this.
JOHN 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world
NAHUM 1:7 The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and HE knows those who trust in HIM.
PSALMS 145:8-9 The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy. The LORD is good to all, and HIS tender mercies are over all HIS works.
God shows patience and understanding everyday of our lives. HE is always there for me even when I don't want to do what HE says. As soon as I run to HIM, HE shows me mercy and forgives me for not trusting and obeying HIM. HE knows it's not always easy for us to do as HE asks. If you have not asked HIM to forgive you and come into your life you need to do that. HE's waiting to hear from you and be the LORD of your life. Talk to HIM today. Don't wait until it's too late. HE died for you. You need to live for HIM.
LUKE 12:8 Also I say unto you, Whosoever shall confess me before men, him shall the Son of man also confess before the angels of GOD.
JOHN 6:35 And JESUS said unto them, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who abides in Me shall never thirst."
ACTS 3:19 Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the LORD.
GOD will help you with your past. HE will help you to deal with it and HE will heal your pain because of it. HE doesn't care if it's things that you have done or things that have been done to you. I was 52 years old before I gave HIM a chance to help me. I didn't believe that HE cared. But believe me when I tell you, HE cares more than you can imagine. HE LOVES YOU!! Let HIM. You just have to open the door a little and HE will be there for you always.
A friend told me that he likes it when I write of my past because it shows what GOD can do if we let HIM. What are you going to let GOD do for you???
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
"WOULD YOU DIE FOR ME?"
For the last few months there has been something pretty serious I can't stop thinking about. It's a question that at some point we as Christians may have to answer. The early Christians had too, as many Christians in foreign lands and some here in the U.S. have had too. The question is: Would you die for what you believe in? Actually God is asking...Would you die for ME?? That's a hard question to answer.
When I first asked myself that question I was driving down the road praying. I don't know what I was praying about but I remember saying, "I would die for you." Then the realization of what I had said hit me. When I really stopped and thought about it I had to wonder if I really would or if I was just "caught up in the moment", so to speak. Since then that question has went over and over in my mind. God keeps asking, "Would you die for me?"
Well...you have to think about all He has done for us. The biggest thing...He sent His son to die on the cross for us. He took all of our sins upon Himself. He was made fun of, beaten, tortured and eventually hung on a cross so that we could "live" and someday go to Heaven to be with Him forever. Such a selfless act. That was "Extreme Love". Who else would die for you, show that kind of love for you? Your spouse or even your family might, but that's all they could do. Just die. Look at all Jesus has done for you since dying on that cross. Everyday He keeps you safe. He takes care of you like no one else ever could. When you've been sick...He has been there to see you through it. For many of us, He has healed us of diseases. He keeps us safe when trouble comes our way. He comforts us when we lose a loved one. He brings food when you don't have money to buy it for yourself. He gives you Christian friends to help you through hard times when He knows you aren't strong enough to get through on your own. He does so many things for each of us that it is impossible to list everything. But...above all else, He loves us. If He never did any of those things except die for us, that would be all that mattered. His act of dying was His major act of love.
Someday you may have to answer the question..."Would you die for Me?" It might not be a simple yes or no, or even...I don't know. You might have to make the choice. Many Christians before us have had to do just that. Many have been killed just because they were Christians. What is your faith really like? Do you really believe what you say you do? Are you close enough to Him, does He mean more to you than anything else, even your own life, to make the right choice if you are asked too? We can only pray that we, or the people we care about, never have to answer that question.
But if you do just remember what He tells us in scripture...
Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you."
Isaiah 43:2-3a When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up: the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel. Your SAVIOR.
When I first asked myself that question I was driving down the road praying. I don't know what I was praying about but I remember saying, "I would die for you." Then the realization of what I had said hit me. When I really stopped and thought about it I had to wonder if I really would or if I was just "caught up in the moment", so to speak. Since then that question has went over and over in my mind. God keeps asking, "Would you die for me?"
Well...you have to think about all He has done for us. The biggest thing...He sent His son to die on the cross for us. He took all of our sins upon Himself. He was made fun of, beaten, tortured and eventually hung on a cross so that we could "live" and someday go to Heaven to be with Him forever. Such a selfless act. That was "Extreme Love". Who else would die for you, show that kind of love for you? Your spouse or even your family might, but that's all they could do. Just die. Look at all Jesus has done for you since dying on that cross. Everyday He keeps you safe. He takes care of you like no one else ever could. When you've been sick...He has been there to see you through it. For many of us, He has healed us of diseases. He keeps us safe when trouble comes our way. He comforts us when we lose a loved one. He brings food when you don't have money to buy it for yourself. He gives you Christian friends to help you through hard times when He knows you aren't strong enough to get through on your own. He does so many things for each of us that it is impossible to list everything. But...above all else, He loves us. If He never did any of those things except die for us, that would be all that mattered. His act of dying was His major act of love.
Someday you may have to answer the question..."Would you die for Me?" It might not be a simple yes or no, or even...I don't know. You might have to make the choice. Many Christians before us have had to do just that. Many have been killed just because they were Christians. What is your faith really like? Do you really believe what you say you do? Are you close enough to Him, does He mean more to you than anything else, even your own life, to make the right choice if you are asked too? We can only pray that we, or the people we care about, never have to answer that question.
But if you do just remember what He tells us in scripture...
Hebrews 13:5 "Never will I leave you; Never will I forsake you."
Isaiah 43:2-3a When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up: the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel. Your SAVIOR.
Isaiah 41:10 "Don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."
After you think about that question for awhile, there's another you might want to ask yourself. One that has more meaning for you right now...Are you "really" willing to live for Him today?? If you are, you can have a profound impact on the world around you. Boldly live out your faith so that the words of truth you speak to others will get into their minds and hearts and they will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Some will get mad and turn away. But others will come to know Him. That is what we are here for.
Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.
2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the Word; Be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage-with great patience and careful instruction.
Monday, June 1, 2009
HE'S WAITING
Since December 3, 2008 I've been writing this blog. In that time I have had many ups and downs in my journey with God. Writing has been a new experience for me. It's never been something that I've done much of and God has helped me through all of it. HE has helped me to grow by using my past to teach me about my future. Without my past I wouldn't have experience's to draw from that may help someone who is reading this. It's only the Lord that can change people but He uses Believers to get His message out. HIS message of Grace and Mercy. There have been times when I have tried not to write what He wanted me to. Sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself. In those times there were long periods in between posts. But...I would eventually see it God's way and then know that what I wrote would possibly help someone. It has even helped me. God will help you to grow in your life with Him if you are willing to do what He asks of you. You might not always do it perfectly, but He doesn't ask for perfection in anything. Just that we do it with a pure heart. He has brought many memories back to me through all of this. For awhile I questioned why. I now realize that He has been using this for healing in me. It is still hard to be so open about these things to everyone who reads this but...somehow I know this is how it has to be. And, I've come to know that most people that judge you for your past have a lot of things they are hiding. If they can't except you for who you are now, and not hold your past against you, then you don't need them anyway. Maybe God has been telling you to do something you wouldn't normally do. If He is, jump out there and do it. It is mind boggling and flat scary at times, but you will be better for it later. And so...another memory that I thought was long past...
It's funny, but the only two times I got an A+ on anything I wrote, was on two papers in my senior English class. The first subject was...What would you do if you knew this were your last day on earth and you couldn't tell anyone. I actually found the papers a couple of years ago in an old book. Thinking back, I remembered writing that paper and even what my thoughts were about it. If you have been reading this blog from the beginning you can probably guess what I would have done. Yes...you're right. This is the story in a nutshell. What I wrote was...I would have acted as if it were just a normal day and treated my family as I always had. No hugs good-bye, no kisses, no sentiment or feeling of any type. Then I would have went and picked up my friend and we would have smoked dope all day and had a good time until it ended.
The second subject was...Pick something you know about and tell what it would be like to be that object. Well, of course I picked a joint. I said my name was MaryJane, which was another name for marijuana. I went on to explain how I was grown, picked, dried and sold. Then I went into great detail on how I was rolled into papers and smoked. The great feelings I gave everyone who passed me around and how good I felt making them all feel good. How much everyone needed me and how I made them feel good about themselves. I ended it with how everyone would keep the last small piece of me so that when they didn't have enough money to buy more they could use what was left of me again. That small piece was called a roach. A disgusting name for a really disgusting addiction. Of course, I didn't write that in the paper.
I remember when I wrote the first paper that I wanted it to be different. If that really were to happen I wanted to be able to tell my family I loved them and feel it. Not go out and get high and die with my friends. I just wanted to feel something and that was the only way I knew of to do that. The second story just shows more of my willingness to believe the devils lies. Drugs made me feel good. That was the only way I knew to get that feeling. It's a feeling that all of us crave. To feel good and to feel loved. Satan had been lying to me for years and would lie to me for many more. The sad part is...I believed him. He had a death grip on my life.
About 5 years ago I decided to make a change in my life. I moved away from the town I had always lived in and my family. I left everything I knew to come to a place I had visited for 3 days. Everyone thought I left so I could find a good job...because that's what I told them. The real reason was...I thought if I went to a town where no one knew me that God might decide to give me a chance. He might feel sorry for me, so to speak, and let me find Him. I think now that it was all His plan, not mine. He has a plan for our lives and sometimes He has to get us away from everything we are comfortable with to bring it to pass. That's how I see it. There is a scripture that I have used in my blog before.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to give you hope and a future."
Before I moved I had no hope in my life. But...little by little, I noticed that was changing. Even though I came here for the specific purpose of finding God, I still couldn't accept that He wanted me. Sometimes I would cry out to God and ask Him why He didn't want me? Then I would get so depressed over the fact that nothing was different I started drinking again. That did not help. I didn't realize it at the time but now I know...there was a battle going on for my soul. Satan did not want to let me go. But what I didn't know, was that God wasn't going to let me go either. It was a long time coming but...3 years after I moved here I became a Christian.
I think the purpose of this post is to tell you to not give up. If you haven't found God yet...He's not hiding. He's waiting for you to ask Him for help. Just talk to Him. Tell Him what you need. If you have questions, talk to someone you know is a good Christian. If you don't know anyone like that find a good church. Ask God to lead you to the right one where they can help you. He will help you find the help you need.
I won't lie to you. There are still days that to tell someone I love them is really hard. Even when I feel it and want to. I always hope they will say it first because then it is so much easier. It took a long time but I know that God loves me. He loves you too. If you have any doubt of that remember...He was nailed to a wooden cross, for you. Give Him a chance to show you how much He loves you. He's waiting for you!
Find a bible and read Luke 23
It's funny, but the only two times I got an A+ on anything I wrote, was on two papers in my senior English class. The first subject was...What would you do if you knew this were your last day on earth and you couldn't tell anyone. I actually found the papers a couple of years ago in an old book. Thinking back, I remembered writing that paper and even what my thoughts were about it. If you have been reading this blog from the beginning you can probably guess what I would have done. Yes...you're right. This is the story in a nutshell. What I wrote was...I would have acted as if it were just a normal day and treated my family as I always had. No hugs good-bye, no kisses, no sentiment or feeling of any type. Then I would have went and picked up my friend and we would have smoked dope all day and had a good time until it ended.
The second subject was...Pick something you know about and tell what it would be like to be that object. Well, of course I picked a joint. I said my name was MaryJane, which was another name for marijuana. I went on to explain how I was grown, picked, dried and sold. Then I went into great detail on how I was rolled into papers and smoked. The great feelings I gave everyone who passed me around and how good I felt making them all feel good. How much everyone needed me and how I made them feel good about themselves. I ended it with how everyone would keep the last small piece of me so that when they didn't have enough money to buy more they could use what was left of me again. That small piece was called a roach. A disgusting name for a really disgusting addiction. Of course, I didn't write that in the paper.
I remember when I wrote the first paper that I wanted it to be different. If that really were to happen I wanted to be able to tell my family I loved them and feel it. Not go out and get high and die with my friends. I just wanted to feel something and that was the only way I knew of to do that. The second story just shows more of my willingness to believe the devils lies. Drugs made me feel good. That was the only way I knew to get that feeling. It's a feeling that all of us crave. To feel good and to feel loved. Satan had been lying to me for years and would lie to me for many more. The sad part is...I believed him. He had a death grip on my life.
About 5 years ago I decided to make a change in my life. I moved away from the town I had always lived in and my family. I left everything I knew to come to a place I had visited for 3 days. Everyone thought I left so I could find a good job...because that's what I told them. The real reason was...I thought if I went to a town where no one knew me that God might decide to give me a chance. He might feel sorry for me, so to speak, and let me find Him. I think now that it was all His plan, not mine. He has a plan for our lives and sometimes He has to get us away from everything we are comfortable with to bring it to pass. That's how I see it. There is a scripture that I have used in my blog before.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to give you hope and a future."
Before I moved I had no hope in my life. But...little by little, I noticed that was changing. Even though I came here for the specific purpose of finding God, I still couldn't accept that He wanted me. Sometimes I would cry out to God and ask Him why He didn't want me? Then I would get so depressed over the fact that nothing was different I started drinking again. That did not help. I didn't realize it at the time but now I know...there was a battle going on for my soul. Satan did not want to let me go. But what I didn't know, was that God wasn't going to let me go either. It was a long time coming but...3 years after I moved here I became a Christian.
I think the purpose of this post is to tell you to not give up. If you haven't found God yet...He's not hiding. He's waiting for you to ask Him for help. Just talk to Him. Tell Him what you need. If you have questions, talk to someone you know is a good Christian. If you don't know anyone like that find a good church. Ask God to lead you to the right one where they can help you. He will help you find the help you need.
I won't lie to you. There are still days that to tell someone I love them is really hard. Even when I feel it and want to. I always hope they will say it first because then it is so much easier. It took a long time but I know that God loves me. He loves you too. If you have any doubt of that remember...He was nailed to a wooden cross, for you. Give Him a chance to show you how much He loves you. He's waiting for you!
Find a bible and read Luke 23
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